


Space to Grow

by chatielee, crackpairingprincess



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Arguing, Coming Out, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 12:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6239782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatielee/pseuds/chatielee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackpairingprincess/pseuds/crackpairingprincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking back on it, maybe a family dinner at your boyfriend's conservative parent's house wasn't the best place to out your secret relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space to Grow

The little café was crowded, but it was 3:30 in the afternoon on a weekend in the middle of Tokyo, so Kuroo wasn’t really surprised. He was the last to receive his order, and the four of them found an open table towards the back. The noise of the café was only made worse by Oikawa’s arrival, Ushijima following behind.

“Ah~! I’ve missed you guys!”

“You just saw us last week.” Iwaizumi grumbled, but made room for Oikawa at the table regardless.

“You did not say you missed me.” Oikawa made a face at his boyfriend as he dropped into the seat beside him.

“That’s because you never leave me alone! How can I miss you?” Iwaizumi snorted.

“Must be annoying. Having someone that never leaves you alone.”

“Rude, Iwa-chan!”

Kuroo chuckled at the friends banter. It was a sight that became more and more common as this group of friends came together. Normally they would meet in Miyagi, considering that Kuroo was the only one who lives far away. But for some reason Sugawara really wanted to come out to Tokyo for a “special occasion.”

The meal was filled with laughter from his friends and he enjoyed the steady presence of his boyfriend beside him. He always liked the looks on his face when he was talking to Sugawara or even when he would joke around with Iwaizumi. It was a bit hard to watch though because even if he and Sawamura had been dating for months now, they still had to keep their relationship more reserved. All of their friends knew, but Sawamura was still keeping it from his parents, well his whole family. Being in Tokyo, he was always more open and accepted the affection more, which he was taking full advantage of by holding his hand during the entire conversation.

“Guys! Hajime and I have something we want to announce!” Sugawara said, almost hopping with excitement.

Everyone looked at Sugawara, waiting for a brief, quiet moment before he thrust out his left hand, and all Kuroo could hear was Oikawa screeching.

“Oh my god, oh my god! Iwa-chan, how could you not tell me?!” Kuroo stared at Sugawara’s hand. Right there, on his long fingers, sat a diamond ring. Oh. So, that’s the special occasion.

“Congratulations, Suga!” Sawamura’s voice rang out brightly from his left, and Kuroo let his gaze settle over his boyfriend’s features. Daichi was grinning like he’d just won the lottery, his eyes crinkling around the corners. The rest of their friends called out their congratulations, Oikawa demanding to see the ring, Iwaizumi shaking Sawamura’s hand with a smile. Kuroo echoed their words, pounding Iwaizumi on the back with a bark of laughter and punching Sugawara in the shoulder. His left hand sought out Sawamura’s under the table and he shot him a grin when their eyes locked, but it was wiped away with one look at Sawamura’s face.

His boyfriend was still smiling, but there was a tenseness in his jaw, and a look in his eyes that Kuroo couldn’t place. When Sawamura saw Kuroo’s grin fall, he broke eye contact and glanced down at their hands. Kuroo could guess what was going through his mind. No matter how genuinely happy he was for his best friend, he must be saddened and somewhat envious of how he wouldn’t be able to marry his own boyfriend.

It was a topic of many fights. None that really made a difference but it was an underlying tension that Kuroo could feel beginning to build. Kuroo’s family was completely understanding and supportive of his relationship and sexuality. He could openly talk to his parents about his feelings and boast about the dates he went on. Sawamura on the other hand wasn’t so lucky. His family was very traditional and had even resorted to trying to set him up with girls around their neighborhood to, “carry on the family.” It was hard to be completely in love with someone and not being able to fully express it.

Kuroo’s grip on Sawamura’s hand tightened making him look up. He gave Sawamura a knowing smile and a quick kiss on the cheek and then continued to congratulate the newly engaged couple. But Sawamura noticed the longing in his eyes too.

\----

“We’re glad you could make it, Kuroo-kun. Please, come in.” Kuroo stepped over the threshold of the Sawamura residence, toeing off his shoes and handing his jacket to Sawamura’s waiting mother.

“It’s good to see you both. Thank you for inviting me, Sawamura-san.” Kuroo smiled back at Sawamura’s father. He wondered if the man had any clue that the hand he was shaking holds his son’s when they walk down the street.

“Oh, Kuroo, you’re here.” Sawamura appeared at the top of the stairs. His shoulders were set strangely as he descended; a posture he always adopted around his parents.

“Yo.” Kuroo raised his hand in greeting, the urge to touch his boyfriend’s cheek getting squashed down with the ushering of Sawamura’s mother.

“Enough chit chat, everyone else is already here. Go have a seat before the food gets cold.”

Kuroo laughed and followed the older Sawamuras to the dining room, falling behind enough to fall in step with his boyfriend. He smiled at him, the fingers of his right hand touching Sawamura’s wrist ever so lightly. Sawamura jerked his hand away like the touch burned, but didn’t meet Kuroo’s gaze. It was probably for the best, Kuroo didn’t want Sawamura to see his smile break.

Dinner was a simple affair. Just the Sawamuras, a few family friends, and Kuroo himself. Objectively, the whole thing shouldn’t have made Kuroo’s stomach twist the way that it did. 

But he hated not being able to act natural around Sawamura. Kuroo was seated in front of Sawamura, near the end of the table. Kuroo felt it was a shame he wouldn’t be able to flirt and touch him as much as normal but he couldn’t stand not having some sort of physical contact with Sawamura. 

Sometime along the course of dinner, Kuroo brushed his foot along the side of Sawamura’s calf. The other boy immediately tensed and a glare formed on his face. Kuroo slowly put his foot down but not before a pout appeared on his face. His mood was completely ruined, knowing that even that amount of contact, in a place where no one could have possibly seen it, was enough to set Sawamura off. Kuroo knew he was being selfish but this act was starting to become too much. He loved him with all his heart but it felt so wrong to have it be stunted in this way.

But the itch to reach under the table and rest his hand on Sawamura’s thigh, to pick food from his plate, to lean in until their arms were touching, it was becoming unbearable. Kuroo watched Sawamura take a sip of his tea and answer his mother’s question - another one regarding marriage, and finding a suitable wife. Sawamura’s words were confident, straightforward. He’d find someone soon. Perhaps he could find someone out of Miyagi. It wasn’t exactly lying, but it still made Kuroo’s throat tighten.

“What about you, Kuroo-kun? Are there any girls in Tokyo that have caught your eye?”

“Ah, well, I already have someone.” Kuroo grinned as the women at the table cooed, “Yeah, they’re pretty amazing. Tall, dark eyes, the cutest dimples you’ve ever seen.”   
Sawamura shot him a glare from across the table.

Kuroo spent the rest of the dinner making small talk with the other guests. He could feel Sawamura trying to get his attention but he couldn’t bring himself to act like friends anymore. He knew that it would only make Sawamura more angry, but at this point he was going to snap in front of everyone otherwise. His thoughts were soon interrupted by Sawamura’s mother.

“Daichi, could you go to the kitchen and bring out some more drinks?”

Sawamura was shaken out of his one way staring contest with Kuroo. “Sure, mom. Kuroo come in and help.” There was no room for question in his tone, using his captain voice that everyone listened to. No one else seemed to notice the change so Kuroo stood up and followed him into the kitchen.

“What’s up, Sawamura? Can’t carry a few tea cups on your own?” Kuroo hoped his voice sounded steadier than he felt. He saw Sawamura’s knuckles whiten with his grip against the counter. When Sawamura spoke, his captain voice was gone, replaced by something empty that made Kuroo’s heart drop.

“You know what’s up.” Kuroo’s smile faltered. He didn’t want to do this, not now. “You know how my parents are like. I thought you understood why we need to keep this quiet. You were being so obvious, Kuroo, why couldn’t you just control yourself for one night?”

“It wasn’t just one night though.” Kuroo mumbled, mostly for only him to hear.

“Excuse me?" Sawamura asked harshly.

“Sawamura, I always have to act like this around you even when we are just hanging out around town. Places where it doesn’t even matter, but you get so paranoid about anyone noticing us that you tend to shut me out.” Kuroo was trying to stay calm, speaking in an even tone but it was hard knowing Sawamura was getting mad at him over some small touches.

“I’m sorry if it bothers you, and trust me it bothers me too, but this is just something I need from you right now. I really thought that you would be mature enough to accept this and still want to be with me, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

Kuroo froze mid thought. Not so sure anymore? Did that mean...no. Kuroo wasn’t going to just let Sawamura do this. This is bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. 

“You know,” He started, malice tingeing his otherwise level tone, “you always seem so sure when I have you alone, stripped down and on your knees-”

“Kuroo!” Sawamura barked, his eyes darting to the doorway of the kitchen, sighing a bit of relief when no one was there. “Why are you being like this? I thought you wanted this to work.”

“I do want this to work, Sawamura!” Kuroo took a step towards him, and felt a twinge in his chest when the other male stepped back, “I just need you to let it work.”

“What are yo-”

“Look, I get that your family is shit and that you need your space and stuff but how do you think it makes me feel? Do you realize how hard it is for me to keep my feelings at bay when I’m here? To me it honestly feels like you are ashamed of our relationship! All I want to do is treat you right as my boyfriend but I can’t even do that much when you jump away from me like it hurts when I touch you.”

“But I’m not ashamed of you, I never can be Kuroo! I thought you knew that, that you mean so much to me and if I actually was ashamed of you, I would have stopped this earlier. I don’t know maybe, maybe I’m just scared, okay? Even if my family is shit, they are still my family and I don’t want to hurt them.”

“Hurt them? Sawamura, it’s them that’s hurting you! And because of that you’re treating me like I’m some dirty little secret. If any of this was real to you, you should be able to tell your parents. If anything that you told me was real, if anything we did together was real, you should be able to be honest with your family about it.” Kuroo was fairly shouting at this point. He was so hurt at the idea that Sawamura was so ashamed of him, he was starting to lose control of himself. It also didn’t help that Sawamura had a panicked look on his face, being scared that his parents could walk in on them at any minute.

At the back of his mind, Kuroo knew that he should lower his voice. He knew he should just drop the subject and finish the dinner as if nothing happened. But the way Sawamura was glancing at the doorway, and the way his fingers flexed nervously made anger rush to Kuroo’s chest. If Sawamura would just relax for two damn seconds, they could be holding hands under the table right now. 

“Kuroo, you’re being dramatic.” Kuroo felt the tendons in his neck tense with the clench of his jaw. Sawamura wouldn’t even look at him.

“Maybe you’re the one being dramatic. You’re the one insisting on sneaking around, hiding this -hiding me- from the people who are supposed to love you the most.” Sawamura closed his eyes and sighed as though he was in pain. Unfairly, Kuroo sort of hoped he was. 

“I’m not hiding yo-” 

“Enough, Sawamura.” Kuroo took another step forward and forced himself to stand up straight, “I’m done with this. If you can’t go all in with me, then I can’t do this.”

“What?” Sawamura’s voice was so quiet, so shocked. His head snapped up to meet Kuroo’s eyes, to try to see if any part of Kuroo was lying. Kuroo wasn’t holding himself together much better. Kuroo knew that was probably one of the most painful sentences he has ever said but it wasn’t a lie. Kuroo was too frustrated, too tired of all of this secrecy to even hope of trying to put up any front. And if Kuroo was honest with himself he knew that Sawamura would be able to see right through any front he tried to pull. Kuroo sighed and ran one of his hands through his hair.

“Sometimes I don’t even know how I can keep this up. God damn it Sawamura, why am I even here?” Kuroo voiced in a defeated tone.

“Because I love you Kuroo!” Sawamura nearly shouted at Kuroo, rivaling the volume from earlier. Sawamura looked as shocked as Kuroo felt for a moment but he soon gave a small nod and looked back up at Kuroo with a determined but soft stare. “I’m in love with you, Tetsurou.”

“You… you love me?”

“I… yes. I love you.”

Kuroo couldn’t believe what he just said. He took a step forward, leaving little to no room between the two and cupped Sawamura’s face in his hands. He leaned in until there were only inches between their lips.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.” He said it as if it was the simplest thing on the planet. All of Kuroo’s rage and hurt fell away in that one moment, leaving only relief.

“I love you too, you idiot.” Kuroo mutters before closing the distance between their lips. The slide of Sawamura’s lips over his own was almost enough to make Kuroo’s head spin. All the anger and the hurt left him feeling drained, but the feeling of having Sawamura against him was more than enough to make up for it. They only pulled away when they were both panting for breath, stupid too big grins on their faces. Sawamura leaned back on the counter, and blanched. 

“Sawamura? What’s wrong?” Sawamura was staring at a spot past Kuroo’s left shoulder, unmoving. With a sinking feeling, Kuroo turned around. Sawamura’s parents stood in the doorway, stone faced. Kuroo tried to back away from his boyfriend, but was stopped by Sawamura taking his hand and stepping forward.

“Mom, Dad,” His voice was quiet, but steady, “I’m...I’m gay.” He took a deep breath and squeezed Kuroo’s hand, who was staring at him in shock. He pressed his eyes closed and spoke, louder this time.

“And Tetsurou is more than a friend. He’s my boyfriend, and I’m in love with him. I tried to deny it, and avoid it, because I didn’t want to disappoint you, but the truth is that I don’t want to find a nice girl and get married and have kids. I don’t care about carrying on the Sawamura name. I don’t even really care if you hate me now. What I care about,” Sawamura opened his eyes to find himself lost in Kuroo’s warm golden gaze, and it made the words come out much easier.

“What I care about is Tetsurou.”

The Sawamuras were rooted to their spots. Kuroo was hoping that they would have at least a small amount of respect and not make a scene, but he wasn’t all too sure. Sawamura’s father looked as if it was taking all of his self control to stay quiet and his mother just looked disappointed, as if all of her plans just vanished. Kuroo kept glancing at Sawamura to gauge his reaction. He seemed confident, holding his father’s gaze with a defiance that Kuroo was immensely proud of.

His father finally sighed. “We can have this conversation another time. We have guests right now that need our attention. You two were away for far too long. If you could bring out the tea as we asked before, we can continue as if none of this ever happened.”

“No. Being here is making my boyfriend uncomfortable. We are going to leave, so we can actually enjoy each other’s company before he goes back to Tokyo tonight. I’m sorry if I disappointed you, but I can not change who I am or who I love. Right now I want to make up for how I was treating Tetsurou because of my fear of your judgement. I’m also sorry if this makes the rest of your night awkward, but we are leaving now.”

Sawamura guided them past his parents and out of the house. As soon as their feet hit the sidewalk Kuroo exploded with pent up emotions.

“That-that was amazing! I can’t believe you actually just did that, you actually fucking did it! You’re so…” He trailed off and came to a halt, making Sawamura pause in his steps. Kuroo’s words vanished from his tongue as he stared at the man before him. Sawamura looked exhausted, but the dopey smile was back on his face, and Kuroo was sure he had never been so in love with anyone as he was right now, with Sawamura. Sawamura, who was kind and tough and gentle when it counted. Sawamura, who was a better captain than he could ever aim to be. Who was the best kisser Kuroo had ever met, and had a smile that could take air from his lungs. Sawamura, who had just taken everything his parents had ever wanted and had thrown it back at them, all for Kuroo. 

“You’re amazing, Daichi.” Sawamura’s eyes crinkled at the corners and he slid a hand around Kuroo’s neck. 

“You were right. About everything.” Kuroo let him pull his neck down to touch their foreheads together, “I should have listened to you sooner. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I’m just happy that everything is out in the open now. I love you Sawamura Daichi.”

Sawamura chuckled at that. “I love you too Kuroo Tetsurou.”

\----

It has been about a week since Kuroo saw Daichi. He had told Kuroo that his parents were still being a bit stiff about what had happened at dinner, but Daichi seemed fine with it. Kuroo came down to Miyagi to visit again, this time using Sugawara’s house as a place to stay because he wasn’t exactly welcome in the Sawamura household anymore. Kuroo didn’t really mind though, knowing that Daichi was being unapologetically honest about their relationship put Kuroo on Cloud 9.

They went to a small cafe in the middle of town for their date; walking together hand in hand, unconcerned about any glances given their way. Once they got to the cafe and received their orders, they settled near the back on a small sofa.

“How are your parents treating you?” Kuroo asked. He was wondering about it the entire time he was back in Tokyo. He knew that Daichi could handle himself, but he still felt bad that he has to deal with this situation on his own.

“They told me that I need to break up with you.” Daichi said simply. He glanced over at Kuroo, whose face just dropped at the idea. Daichi chuckled and decided to spare his boyfriend. He put his hand on Kuroo’s knee as a soothing gesture. “I’m kidding. Well not really, they do want me to break up with you but I told them no.”

“You think they are ever going to accept me?”

“Yeah. They’ll get over it.”


End file.
